Who Invited the Vegetarian!?

In case it is too small to read: "Each year, Steve had to keep reminding himself not to invite his vegetarian coworkers to his annual barbecue."

You're all set for a nice big BBQ - you've got the potato salad, chips, watermelon, and a stack of burgers and hot dogs that will surely last the night. The ultimate summer BBQ iPod mix you worked on all week seems to be getting good reviews. Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves, until you turn to one guest and ask "Do you want a burger or a hot dog?" Your guest replies, "It's okay, I'm a vegetarian." Visions of your fun, relaxed BBQ turning into a political debate on animal cruelty race through your head as you try to casually move in front of your enormous stack of meat - maybe the vegetarian hasn't seen it yet? Is this guy going to try to show us some PETA videos? I'll have to say my computer is broken if he asks...I wonder if he eats chicken, I think we have some chicken in the freezer...I know we have shrimp... You somehow manage to say "Oh..." as you scan the backyard for the guilty party....who invited the vegetarian?

If this hasn't happened to you yet, chances are, it someday will. After all, there are over 19 million of us (vegetarians) in the United States. But, a vegetarian at your BBQ doesn't have to ruin the fun. In fact, it won't. Vegetarians are people too, you may be surprised to know. And like all people, we come in all types - fat, skinny, rude, friendly, democrat, republican (or so I've heard, I've never actually met one), bossy, shy, etc. We aren't all hippies. We aren't all bleeding heart liberals who would leap at the chance to get on a soapbox at your BBQ. And, no, we don't all work for PETA. Actually, not all of us care about animal cruelty at all - lots of vegetarians don't eat meat because it is healthier not to, or because they just don't like the taste.

Dilbert

Here are some tips on what to do if a vegetarian shows up at your gathering:

• If the vegetarian lets you know in advance that they don't eat meat, DO NOT go through a lot of trouble to make a ton of vegetarian dishes. Just like all people, vegetarians don't want to be a bother or make extra work for their host. (This usually ends badly anyway, with the host making some weird tofu dish they've never tried before, or flavorless steamed veggies.) DO try to include a couple of side dishes that are meat-free (which you probably already had planned anyway). Vegetarians are perfectly happy to eat side dishes, in fact, side dishes are one of our best friends. Just remember to replace things like chicken broth in mashed potatoes with vegetable broth, and to keep the meatballs out of the marinara sauce.
  
• Don't make a special seafood dish for the vegetarian. Most vegetarians don't eat seafood, and you will make them feel awkward if you offer them a special dish you made, and they have to tell you that they can't eat it.
• On a related note, assume the vegetarian doesn't eat any animals - including chicken.
• If the vegetarian didn't tell you in advance that they don't eat meat (most won't - we try to avoid that stigmatizing look we get when we tell people we don't eat meat), then DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. A vegetarian will find something to eat, we're used to it. Seriously, don't worry. You don't even have to apologize for not having any veggie burgers. But, if you want to be on the safe side, you might want to keep a pack in your fridge because you never know when a vegetarian might show up - the worst that will happen is you'll lose $4. I guess you could also face some pretty severe taunting if you happen to live in Texas.
  
• Don't worry about eating or preparing meat in front of the vegetarian - I've never met a vegetarian that can't stand to see someone else eat meat. If they are offended by that, then that is their problem so don't worry about it.
• Don't assume that the vegetarian is a stereotypical vegetarian - hippie, liberal, pretentious.

Here are some tips for vegetarians who have been invited to a gathering that will include a meal:

• Don't tell the host that you are a vegetarian unless you are certain that they won't make a big deal about it, and you make sure you tell them not to make anything special - specifically tell them no tofu. If they ask, then of course tell them. In Texas, don't tell them you are a vegetarian under any circumstances, unless you are in Austin which I've heard is being kept weird, or if you want to be uninvited. :)
• If it's a BBQ, bring a veggie burger or veggie dog to throw on the grill for yourself. This is what I normally do. Chances are, few people will even notice.
  
• Offer to bring a side dish - then, you are guaranteed to be able to eat at least one thing, plus it is a nice thing for a guest to do.
• If you are sure there will be no veggie food (I can't think of when this would happen - I guess anything called "Meat Fest" should be avoided), and you're going to be there for awhile, eat before you go and then just hang out at the party. There will pretty much always be something you can eat - you might just want to eat a little something first so you don't have to eat chips and dip for the rest of the day.
• Don't show any PETA videos, don't ask anyone if their shoes are leather, and don't say anything else that is going to make the other guests or the host feel bad or awkward. However, if someone tries to argue with you about the facts on being a vegetarian (for example, they try to say the meat industry is not bad for the environment) then feel free to fire back - that person picked the fight. Also, feel free to talk about why you are a vegetarian if people are interested - just don't be a jerk about it.

I hope this helps demystify the vegetarian guest. The main rule of thumb is just don't worry about it - vegetarians have been going to parties for generations, we're used to it.